I feel like this is a bit of a confession. Every morning since I've had Tabitha, I eat chocolate with a cup of tea in the morning. And you know what, I'm kind of unrepentant.
For one thing it's either good quality dark chocolate, or raw chocolate made by my husband (Food of the Gods). To be honest, being married to a chocolatier means that chocolate is a part of my life (for better or for worse).
It all started because I would be up really early with Tabitha, five in the morning was about average and it was too early for breakfast. I wanted to have enough energy to do some yoga and so a bit of chocolate was a pretty good solution. I was able to do some stretching while she rolled around and I kept going until it was a more normal time to eat.
Time has moved on though and Tabitha sleeps in longer, but my chocolate ritual has continued.
Fitting my stretches in around shower time, nappy changes and baby breakfast is like some sort of multidimensional puzzle. Sometimes I manage to get my mat out and sometimes the magic happens! The baby, cat, dogs and husband all manage to entertain themselves for long enough for me to breathe, recenter and remember what it feels like to open and stretch.
But, this tends to be the exception rather than the rule and my chocolate habit feels almost like yoga, taking me to that place of bliss and calm and ready for morning baby madness!
The thing is though, I watch my rituals and challenge my behaviour. If you have read any Castaneda, then you will know what it means to stalk yourself.
I feel that as a yogi in training, I should be drinking green smoothies first thing. Avoiding caffeine and living a 'pure' life. I certainly should not be 'addicted' or 'dependent' on anything.
But, there is a part of me that is rebellious and childlike and simply puts on the brakes! I want to live a full and rich life, not an austere one.
So, I'm at a bit of an impasse. Ive decided not to dictate to myself one way or another, but to observe myself with kindness. It's easy to beat yourself up and make yourself miserable over little things, but sometimes it's the energy associated with the act rather than the act itself that's the problem.
I think that I will know when the time is right to change my morning habit. And when I do, it won't be difficult. It will just feel like the right thing to do.
So, for now, my chocolate ritual is my morning yoga. I eat with mindfulness and gratitude that I get to spend another day in a beautiful place, with my gorgeous family and if I get to do some sun salutations then that's even better.